painful love
by sandra52519
Summary: light thinks about why he loves L again. raited T to be save. lxlight.
1. beginning

Light's pov

I feel water drip from my face. I'm crying. I don't mind crying but why for him. I don't want to cry because of him, so why am I. just because he doesn't love me. So what if I love him, I don't care. I just move on.

Oh please who am I kidding. I love him so much every time I see I'm my heart flutters and my face becomes red. Only this week I was asked 4 times if I was sick or something. I hate what he does to me. I hate him. I am supposed to kill him, I AM KIRA. I shouldn't show weaknesses.

I walked into the headquarter and went to the computer room. When I came there L and the others where already there. I felt my face hot up. i said morning and went as fast as possible to my seat with my hair hiding my face. Almost all said morning back without looking up. only L and matsuda who was standing next to L looked up. I accidently looked back and saw something in there eyes. In matsuda's eyes was something called worry, and in L's eyes was suspicion. It hurts, that look just burns trough my skin. Still I ignored it and just walked further. The pain I still feel is then was greater than I could imagine. Never was there so much disgust and suspicion in his eyes. I knew he was close to finding out that I'm Kira. Ihave to kill him but I can't.

A.N.

I'm sorry I made it so short but this is just a opening of what is going to come.

I hope you liked it and say something about it.

I welcome all comments so please.

Next update will be soon hopefully.


	2. light's secret

Light's pov

I was working on my computer still red from having L so close to me. Suddenly I felt a hand on my arm. I slightly jumped and looked behind me. It was matsuda.

"h-hey light"

"oh hoi matsuda" I replayed as if nothing was wrong with me.

"you look a bit strange, are you all right" he said. I knew he saw me.

"Yeah I'm fine"

"oooh okay but if you need to talk about something, I'm here"

"yeah sure"

He than left again. I don't get why he's worried about me, I mean we never were really close or something. Maybe it's his nature: being the good and kind cop.

I kept wondering about it while working. My blush is now completely gone.

Maybe I'm just getting paranoid, it's not like matsuda could know who I am. He's probably just trying to be nice. It must be because I'm working to much. but L ordered all of us to work more tonight. So we're all going to stay here late and sleep here. He's saying Kira has committed a crime which is out of his pattern. I know he just waits for me to say something like: "Kira never committed" this murder. But I hope he doesn't thing I'm that stupid. I never committed this crime and there is no such thing said in the police records. L is getting careless. But if they find out I hacked into those records I'm going to be in jail for sure.

At the end of the night everyone is very tired, except L of course.

"you all should all go to bed, there are rooms upstairs made ready for you" L says. He must have seen how tired we were.

We all went to our separate rooms, and as soon as I was there I picked up my headphones and IPod and went trough my music. "arch enemy" that's it. I looked at al the song and played 'no gods no masters.' I layed down on the bed and put the music sound up the hardest. It's standing so hard now it can be heard as soon as someone enters the room. I put the song on 'replay' and then went to sleep.

Half trough the night I heart a noise in my room, I slowly opened one eye and looked around. At first it was really dark but a few seconds later I saw a shadow. It just stood there. I thought I imagined it but then it turned around and walked to the door. I was kind of shocked but then he left and I regained my senses. The first thing I noticed was my music still playing in the background. "he must have heard it" but an outsider is unable to come in the building. It must have bine someone of the taskforce. "oh no" if it was my father or someone who will tell him I'm death for sure. He hates it when I do not look the 'perfect' son. When he discovers what I'm listening to I am never able to return home again. The same goes for the fact that I'm gay. He is so homophobic he kills me.

! FOCUS !

I now need to figure out who just walked in the room. He wasn't to big or tall. Which leaves almost al taskforce members. This is not heading the good direction. By the time I was done thinking it was almost time to start working, the taskforce where probably already up so I went downstairs.

My father, mogi and L where already there. "morning" I said and then quickly went to my seat. I heart one faint "morning", one "morning son" and a very clear "morning light-kun".

Of course it was from L. damn he makes my heart skip a beat every time he speakes, and my dad he hadn't killed me jet so guess he doesn't know it jet.

"light-kun could you come with me for a second" L suddenly says to me. I swallow and say: "sure L". we stand up and walk out of the room, he takes me to a room at the top of the building. It's kinda dark in the room and after a few seconds my eyes get a little used to it. I can see L but I can also see the cameras in the corners of the room. L sees me looking at them and says: "don't worry I turned off the cameras in this room." At this dark room and L his way to sexy voice my heart begins to beat almost impossibly hard. Then he suddenly closes in on me. He then stops only a second away from me. He wants to say something, I can see it in those eyes. My heart still hasn't stopped beating so fast. I am thinking about a thousand possibilities of what he wants to say. He then opens his mouth to speak and all my thoughts are gone at ones. He now has all my attention. "light-kun I …

A.N

Sorry for the stop but I just love to tease you people. Or aliens or animal creatures. Anyways I hope I can update soon but this has bin the worst month of my life, and since next month is December I can't promise anything but I'll try the best I can.

Hope all of you liked it. R&R please. Oh and please tell me if you see any thing wrong at the story. Hope you had fun!

Loves

Sandra52519


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